Back to School Blues
Last Tuesday my eyes were brimming with tears as I rushed past all the Mom’s who were laughing and high-fiveing one another as they stood outside the school after the morning bell had rang indicating the start of the school year. They were celebrating their new found freedom as they relish in the fact that their kids are in school all day.
I hurried past the group and headed to the privacy of my truck where I pulled out some tissues and wept. I wasn’t celebrating…because for me it marked the end of an era. I had a case of the back-to-school blues.
I think it’s because I have spent the last 14 years with kids at home…sure I worked a bit outside the home but I always knew they were my priority and they were at home NEEDING me, hopefully wanting me or at least anticipating my return. I stopped working my full-time job as a school teacher to take on the role as a mother of 1, then 2,3,4 and 5 and down again to 4, then 3, and 2 and last year just 1, my baby in part time kindergarten.
This year it’s different, I’m alone. All 5 are at school full-time.
No one chats with me as I drive away from the school, no one asks me to sit and read or play with them in the middle of the day, no one wants a mid-day snuggle or walk outside, no one tells me their tall stories, shows me their LEGO toys or sings songs to me.
It’s just me, alone. Not needed but…not nagged either.
No one kicks the back of my seat as I drive away from the school, no one nags me wondering what we have planned for the day, no one complains of hunger while I’m trying to get work done, There is no one to make messes immediately after I clean up. I just need to worry about when and what I want to eat and that might even mean a lunch date with a friend in a restaurant that doesn’t have plastic chairs and a play place.
Hmmmm, maybe this back-to-school business isn’t so bad.
Yes, I’m sad, sad that my home is much quieter during the day. Sad that my role has changed. Sad that in their eyes I no longer have all the answers and their world doesn’t revolve around me.
But I am happy too. Happy that my kids are gaining independence, figuring out who they are and becoming these terrific little people I enjoy. Happy because my kids attend an amazing school where there are teachers who love to teach and a community of believers looking out for my children. Happy because I have time to dedicate to our business, foster my interests and friendships and invest my time in achieving goals outside the realm of motherhood.
I will always be their MOM, but what that looks like is changing.
Hence, my back-to-school blues as it marks the end of an era…but I guess it’s bitter sweet because it is a new era as well.
And how can I not smile when I see how excited this kid is to start a new era!